Scary Formula

A new formula has be written to find out how scary a film is for Sky so they know what the scariest movies to show should be. It goes like this:


(es+u+cs+t) squared +s+ (tl+f)/2 + (a+dr+fs)/n + sin x - 1.

Where:
es = escalating music
u = the unknown
cs = chase scenes
t = sense of being trapped
s = shock
tl = true life
f = fantasy
a = character is alone
dr = in the dark
fs = film setting
n = number of people
sin = blood and guts
1 = stereotypes


This is all very impressive, with lots of symbols and letters and a cheeky lil 'sin' in there to put it right up there with the big boys. But I have a few problems with this, firstly the letters. How can you put a numerical value on say 'in the dark' or 'character is alone', by this could you say that the film The Exocist has a 'film setting' value of 7? Or having a 'unknown' value of 19, or maybe the value of that variable is meant to be unknown. And how on earth can 1 = stereotypes? Could we get a 'hiding behind sofa' variable please?

Assuming that you can find values for all of these, then what? You've got a number yes, but what does that tell you? "OH MY GOD IT'S FIVE!!!!" que screaming and running away from calculator. I think not.