The Red and White Stripes

Definition of Topology

Help the Yeti. Get an iPod.

Howdy

To say that this blog is getting alittle neglected and down right shoddy would be one hell of an understatement.

Now, with that out of the way I ask for just 5 people to sign up to this deal and be on your way to get a free iPod.

I know, sounds dodgy as hell but its got a load of links to news sites (NBC, The Times, Wired and a couple more I think) that tell you it isn't dodgy.

All you have to do is sign up to a free trial with your credit card (don't forget to cancel), get another 5 to sign up then a big iPod or little iPod mini (colour of your choice) will be dispatched to you.

Easy as that.

What do you say?


Yes or No

Hello from the unholiest hour of the day

It's 1:52 am

There's a mouse scurrying around my bedroom unhassled

There seems to be the contents of an insect house crawling in my bed

I'm now going to be up until at least 10 this evening

And I felt like moaning about it

The Red and White Stripes

The Red and White Stripes

Fight the power brother

On reading the trivia page on the IMDB for 'Star Trek: Nemesis' I found

"Jonathan Frakes refused to shave his back for the love scene turned rape with Troi. The hair on his back was digitally removed by an effects house"

Lead the way brother

Introducing the Red And White Stripes

This is some of the fun I've been having on paint. I've done a few of these and you might get to see some more on this blog from time to time

The Junction

I've created a forum

Anyone can join

Talk about anything your heart desires

It is currently empty as I'm terrible at starting anything

Take me to The Junction

I am not Hugh Grant

I've just finished watching 'Three to Tango' on the telly. I'm a total sucker for these kinds of films. I've seen them all ('all' meaning those shown on channels one through four): I'll always make time for 'The Wedding Singer'; if I'm channel hopping and I happen to find 'Notting Hill' or 'Four Weddings and A Funeral' I probably won't be hopping any longer. I do tend to avoid some as they are absolutely dreadful, but they say remain nameless *cough* 40 Days and 40 Nights *cough*.

It's my observation that all romantic comedies follow the same basic structure with only names, settings and dialogue in flux between them:

• Boy works either for himself or at a glamourous company
• Girl works (if at all) where ever it is easy for her to meet boy
  
• Boy meets girl
• Boy and girl cannot be together
• Boy and girl have incredible chemistry
• Something goes wrong, usually a misunderstanding, and boy and girl have to have scenes apart where they are shown to have zero productivity, mass amounts of staring into space and leaning against any local momuments
• One, usually the boy, makes an incredible gesture, usually in a public place
• Boy and girl can be together no matter what was keeping them apart in the first place
  
• Boy and girl live happily ever after
• Credits run along side boy and girl frolicking around
  

Why do people watch these? Because they are utter fantasy, due mainly to point seven.

Can I make this about me now?

Being an introvert I mainly spend my time (free or otherwise) daydreaming about how great a guy I could be under the right circumstances, being more of a sci-fi geek than a fantasy geek only twenty five percent of these delusions feature me with wings. And due to my disposition day dreams mainly nod towards the points mentioned above, I'm like the Hugh Grant of Yetiland (not to be confused with Yetiville). Even though I'm a sci-fi geek, no aliens are present in Yetiland.

However, this being, as you would say, the real world none of this is going to happen. Ignoring points one and two, I think the furthest I've ever got is point five, however, being a rather mediocre person swap 'incredible' for 'maeh'. Oh! how I would like to deliver Han Solo's "I know" in response to Leia's "I love you", if I've spoilt that for anyone where the hell have you been? But the fact is I'll never be in carbonite chamber and surrounded by storm troopers. Also I'm quite terrible at reading people, I could easily give a long and (what I would feel to be) heartfelt speech to a person I thought that loved me and they would turn around and say "Oh, that's sweet. Have you met Paolo?".

Damn film makers messing with impressionable teenage minds.

This is Duke Captain Yeti of the First Fleet Flagship Super Battle Cruiser Indestructible en route to fight an unstoppable alien invasion of my sweetheart's home planet, signing off.

Required:

I cannot write a story to save my life.

I can think them up easily. I have about five that need getting onto paper.

I require a writter to think of plots for my settings/characters/whatever else that isn't plot, and write them.

Pay: Terrible

Hours: Terrible

Recognition: I'll get the round in at the pub (i.e. my name on anything that people buy)

The question is, do you want to be my typewritter monkey? We do ya punk?

You know you're in trouble when you start programming yourself

I've been feeling rather socially inept lately which leads to a sense of isolation and the blues. So I programmed it.

It is, regrettably, a very repetitious cycle. But drawing this satisfied the 'do something about it' command beautifully.

What's better than eatting bacon sandwiches in your underpants with a cup of tea while watching Thunderbirds in the midafternoon?

Nothing

A different type of addiction

Your Blogging Type Is the Private Performer

Your blog is your stage - with your visitors your adoring fans. At least, that's how you write with your witty one liners. And while you like attention, you value your privacy. You're likely to have an anonymous blog - or turn off comments.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

You are an Atheist

When it comes to religion, you're a non-believer (simple as that). You prefer to think about what's known and proven. You don't need religion to solve life's problems. Instead, you tend to work things out with logic and philosophy.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

Your Dominant Thinking Style:

Modifying Super logical and rational, you consider every fact available to you. You don't make rash decisions and are rarely moved by emotion. You prefer what's known and proven - to the new and untested. You tend to ground those around you and add stability.

Your Secondary Thinking Style:

Visioning You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights. You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details. An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path. You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum.

What's Your Thinking Style?

Your Element Is Water

A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious. That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep. Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily. You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others. You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves. You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

What's Your Element?

Welcome to August

Crikey, the fourth post in the same day

I had just finished watching 'House' and was about to turn off the light and climb into bed when out of now where in my head came "...it just won't do lalalalalalalala..."

Relising I'd have no chance trying to sleep with that one lyric in my head I came to the computer and found out that the song is called 'It just won't do' by Tim Deluxe. I haven't heard it in three years.

It's a funny thing memory

Blades at dawn

I'm an evolutionist, it's part of the package when you tick the box next to 'Atheist'. But god it can be useful to be a creationist sometimes: You get to blame someone.

Why oh why God did you give men beards?

I think I started growing beards from the age of three and ever since I've dreaded the point where it gets itchy, as they always do, it means that it is time to shear the thing off. When I first started with the whole facial hair removal thing I had to figure out how to do it myself, my father has a permanent beard in residence so he could not have been a guiding light, and my technique, even after all these years potential perfection time, is to scrape a shape shard of metal across my face and if you live after all the blood loss wu-whu. If I can compare my face to a mud flow, then all the trees (hair) and top soil (skin) would be washed away (razor) leaving only bedrock (bone). And yet despite having no skin I'll still have stubble.

Being a penniless student I still have to rely on this method, all the electric gizmos are either too puny or too expensive. I once bought an electric shaver out of my Christmas money (insert your bowed head in disgust emoticon here) and when I began to use it I soon discovered that all it would do would eat the flesh around the hair leaving it more prominent. So I shouted at it, as any reasonable person would, "ARE YOU A MAN OR A SHAVER?!!", to which it replied, "Well, this is a funny story actually..." and went onto delve into deep philosophical issues between the difference, or the illusion of a difference between man and shaver. It was quite easy to see it's point but easier to shove it in a draw and forget about it. Back to that napalm kiss of metal shards.

Up until piece of steal touches my skin and the work begins of scraping (yes, it is physical labour in the case of my features) this face fungus off, the Shaving Experience (opening Spring 2006) can be quiet enjoyable. For instance, shaving cream is brilliant: endless hours can drift by when you are trying to beat the length of last time's Santa's beard, slowly but surely squirting on little dabs of foam to the bottom of the jolly jiggly plane housing wave formations that would bring surfers and phycists together. But then the blade cuts through the fun. And the skin. And the tendons to etch in my jawbone "Muahahahaha".

In writing this I've received no heavenly messages, the weather outside hasn't changed and no pop ups have..well, popped up, suggesting God isn't in a rush to answer the question above, although the absence of pop ups does suggest some kind of theological intervention. So let me express evolution's suggestion. One theory is that in different times of the menstrual cycle ("we see here a young Yeti wander blindly on to the territory of the females. Some take notice and ready themselves for the kill" [You'll only get the full force of that if you are familiar with Mr. David Attenborough]) women find beardiness variably sexy. I hasten to add I did not come up with this theory, if I were to come up with a theory it would be that all women find someone a lot like me very sexy all of the time. When women are fertile they'll be more attracted to more masculine men, when they aren't they are more attracted to more feminine looking men. I heard this on one of those 'difference between the sexes' programs the BBC comes up with every few years, I watch these..I want to say religiously..in hope that science will offer me a way of getting guaranteed date. Another theory of 'women attracted to men' is that they find taller men sexier, to which I replied "Bugger" to which the TV replied "Watch your language" a fight ensued which lead to us then going down the pub to have a drink where the TV then got a date. Bitter? Yes, yes I am.

Any one seen the beaten track around here?

By now some women ("The females make to pounce") are probably thinking that they have to go through this Experience as well and that I can pee standing up. Well I've thought about that and no, this is not the case. When dancing with a razor around your face you are very close to 80% of your sensory organs and at that distance 1) they aren't sensing very much and 2) you don't want to slice them off/in/whatever. And you've got to do all of this in front of a mirror meaning limbs have to be cranked in reverse to save from shaving air. When shaving legs/arm pits/other bits it's right in front of you in forward motion. PLUS! they don't even have to use a razor, there's stuff that looks like shaving cream but you just leave it on then rinse it off with no blades in between. Or shower head looking things that "gently buff the hairs away", the nearest analogue for a bloke to that is an angle grinder.

And another thing, I can never get my sideburns level.

"We are not affraid"

I love the London Underground

I really want to do this

The importance of....uhhh...?

Here in Yetiville, school has been out for many many weeks now and I'm spending a lot of my time on my own and so not saying much (I'm not quite mad enough to talk to myself yet). As a result I'm loosing English by the day. Whenever I try to form a sentence longer than nine words my jaw locks, my lips spasm and any air traffic through my throat instantly stops, leaving a garbled mess. Unfortionally if I then soldier on everyone nods and/or smiles making my wonder if they were listening in the first place.

During said free time I'll be crawling through one of about fourteen books I've bought (and therefore must read), playing computer games, having inexcusable fun on Paint, staring in fear at the hand spasmer (aka the guitar I got for my birthday), but the thing that gets the majority of my attention is clicking between a small number of websites (which change very rarely) on an infinite loop. Most of these sites are shopping sites, but since I'm skint I'm just windows shopping *BOOM! BOOM!*. Oh I'm wasted here. Anyway, these sites use pretty simple English, you wouldn't want to buy something you don't understand (even if you claim to), so these places are fine. But eventually I'll stumble across a comic site. Take for instance this comic from Nearing Zero.



It's got good tension building.

Interesting dialogue.

Now for the punch line, with a half language dead brain: I haven't a clue what 'apoptosis' means. I don't even know if it's a real word or a pun.

What a downer.

Oh well, to amazon.co.uk......